Letting Out The Noise Inside Of Me
by Dark Spell
Summary: Ellie and Sean are each surrounded by their different stresses and issues, when it finally boils over will they become closer or be torn apart?... EllieSean Fic. R&R [Chapter 6 up]
1. Surrounded By Pressure

**Summary sucks, I'm really bad at writing them...  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi or any of its characters... Unfortunately.  
  
This was kind of a quick burst of a quick burst of inspiration, from Don't Dream It's Over...  
**  
Ellie sat in silence, fiddling with a ring on her left hand. Ms. Sauve sat across from her, looking from Ellie to the notes in her hand, detailing their past counseling sessions. Ellie looked up from her hands and looked at Ms. Sauve, wondering what she was thinking. Ellie had been coming to Ms. Sauve a couple of times a week for the past few months, when Paige had caught her in the girls washroom and gone off to tattle to Ms. Sauve about it. The meetings had mainly gone like this one, Ellie would sit in silence, while Ms. Sauve took notes and tried to coax Ellie into talking. It wasn't that Ellie liked wasting Ms. Sauve's time, she just didn't know how to talk about it, how could she explain why when even she didn't really know. She had tried a few times before, but even then she couldn't really explain it to Ms. Sauve. It was just better left unsaid.  
  
Several minutes later Ms. Sauve glanced at her watch, realizing their time was up. She sighed and gave Ellie a smile. "Well it looks like our time is up for today. You're doing better Ellie, we've made some progress. Just keep using those elastic bands I gave you and I'll see you again on Monday, alright?"  
  
Ellie nodded and stood up, snapping the rubber band around her left wrist twice before exiting and heading off to class. On her way down the hall she paused, pulling back the sleeve covering her left arm to reveal the dark scars, slowly fading day by day. She hadn't cut for a week, even though she had wanted to almost daily. The elastic therapy was helping, whenever she felt like taking a razor to her arms she just had to snap the rubber band a couple of times to feel better. Ms. Sauve was right, she was getting better...  
  
Craig stood over Sean, watching him work on the car they were supposed to be fixing today in shop. Sean was rapidly tightening something under the hood of the car, trying to focus on fixing it, but he had so much on his mind it was hard to concentrate. His mind wandered from the car to his other problems, _"...I have to get some extra credit work from Mr. Simpson and Armstrong so I won't fail and lose my student welfare, it'll take all weekend...Plus I have to study for those damn midterms. Hopefully Ellie will be able to come over this weekend to help me study again...If I fail then Tracker will be all over me and Mom and Dad might try to convince me to move back to Wasaga Beach... Again."_ He thought. He was brought back to reality by a loud popping sound coming from the engine.

"Hey Sean.. Is the engine supposed to do that?" Craig asked in a confused tone.

"I tightened it too much, I screwed up... I always screw up!" He yelled, his voice filled with rage. He tightened his fist into a ball and slammed it down on the top of the car.

"Sean, what's wrong man? You shouldn't be beating yourself up over this, it's just an engine." The bell rang as soon as the words left Craig's mouth. Sean grabbed a rag on the workbench beside the car wiping the oil and filth from his hands. He muttered a quick, "nothing" in response to Craig's question and left, once again burying his problems deep within his mind.  
  
**Sorry if it's kind of short, the following chapters will probably be longer. Please review what you think about it, criticism is welcome as long as it's constructive. Thanks. :D**

**I made a quick revision to this, the errors were beginning to bug me...**


	2. Alternatives

Eventually it was time for lunch, Ellie took her usual seat next to Ashley while Marco sat down across from her. They began discussing Gravedigger, a recently released horror film that they were planning to see. Ellie's mind wandered from the conversation, thinking of all her worries, with midterms, her mother and all the work Caitlin had been giving her she was having a hard time focusing on anything.  
  
Ellie blinked, her mind once again returning to the present. She found herself staring at her arm, craving the feeling of something sharp cutting into it, the pain that would follow. She'd feel better, she knew she would, her worries would temporarily leave her, it seemed so easy, she had a razor, in her bag, she always carried it, just incase... Ellie began to reach over to her bag, but paused halfway towards it. Her mind kept telling her to cut, just once. But she couldn't, she had already gone a week without it, she couldn't quit, she had to be strong and make it through. Everyone was counting on her to stop, Ms. Sauve, Sean and even Paige, even though she couldn't care less about what Paige wanted.  
  
She sighed, taking one last look at her bag before bringing back her hand and putting it under the table and beginning to snap at the elastic band on her wrist throughout the duration of lunch while she returned to the discussion of the movie with Ashley and Marco.  
  
Sean spent lunch in the library. He had originally planned on joining Ellie and her friends for lunch, but right now he needed to clear his head. So much was going on in his life, he knew that if he went to lunch with Ellie she'd know something was wrong. He didn't want to have her worrying about his burdens, when they were better left buried inside of him. He sighed, leaning over the table and resting his head on his arms. He felt so tired, but he just couldn't grasp the thing he had been lacking lately; sleep. Insomnia seemed to have added itself to the list of problems currently causing Sean Cameron's life to be very similar to hell.  
  
Sean glanced up at the clock, which read 11:27 am. He only had to get through three more hours and he'd be home and since it was a Friday, he'd have the whole weekend to sort out his problems. Maybe even invite Ellie over to watch a movie and order a pizza, like they'd done in the past. For the next few minutes Sean pondered other things to do over the weekend, mainly stress relievers, but he finally decided that his original idea sounded best. He took out a sheet of paper and a pen from his backpack and scribbled a quick note to her.  
  
_Ellie,  
  
I was wondering if you wanted to come over this afternoon, watch a movie and order a pizza. If you want to, meet me out front after school.  
  
Love, _

_Sean_  
  
The bell rang as he finished folding the note. He grabbed his bag and stuffed his pen in a pocket before heading off to class. He stopped by Ellie's locker on his way, feeding the note through one of the slits towards the top. As he pulled away to head back to class, someone called out to him.  
  
"Hey Cameron, wait up." Sean turned around to face Jay, who walked over to him. Sean sighed as Jay continued, "Just wanted to let you know, there's gonna be a party at my house tonight. My parents are leaving town again, so I'll have the place to myself, there'll be plenty of booze. You should come..."  
  
"Remember what happened to Amy at the last party? She.." Jay cut him off before he could finish.  
  
"Man, that stuff happens at parties, it's no big deal. Besides, Amy's fine now."  
  
"Yeah, now she is. Besides, I'm busy this weekend...." Sean muttered, coming up with an excuse so he wouldn't have to show up.  
  
"Fine, it's your loss Cameron. Drop by if you want to." Jay pulled his sunglasses down in front of his eyes and turned around, heading back down the hall where Alex and Towerz were waiting for him.  
  
Sean hoisted his slipping backpack further up on his shoulder and turned to head back to class. _"Why's he suddenly talking to me, it's like he wants to be friends again or something"_ Sean thought. He and Jay had ceased being friends after Amy had been taken to the hospital on account of alcohol poisoning, they hadn't spoken to each other since, except a for a quick talk about how Amy was doing. He shrugged it off and turned to head off to class, when he got there Kwan got onto his case for being tardy.

"I have an appointment later today, so I'll see you after school on Monday Sean. Now take your seat." Kwan said as she handed him a detention slip, giving him her famous, 'I'm disapointed in you' stare. He sighed and went to sit down.

_"Could this day get any worse_?_" _He questioned himself as Kwan began a discussion on Greek plays in the early 1400's.

**Another chapter done. A quick thanks to those who reviewed, I appreciate it. :)**


	3. Every Window Pane Is Shattering

The final bell rung later that afternoon, releasing the students from the clutches of their classrooms. The halls began to fill with people, each heading off to their own various activities and plans.

"Hey El, Dylan and I are heading to that movie we were talking about with some of his hockey friends. The show starts at six, and I was wondering if you'd come, as my guest of course." Marco said as they exited class. Ellie was about to reply with a yes, but then remembered the note from Sean.

"Actually, I'm going over to Sean's this afternoon. Sorry..." Ellie stopped by her locker to collect her backpack and binder. Marco sighed, slightly disapointed by her answer.

"Alright El, I guess I'll see you over the weekend... " He replied, shrugging and walking off. She turned and watched him head off to join Dylan as he began walking out the front doors. She sighed, turning back to her locker and grabbing her backpack and binder before going off to meet Sean.

Sean was seated on a bench to the left of the stairs outside the school. He sat impatiently, watching the number of people out front slowly lessen as time progressed and sighed, _"Maybe she didn't get the note... Or she just didn't want to come."_ He thought. Then a voice called over to him.

"Hey..." Sean looked up, a smile replacing his former frown as his eyes rested on Ellie, standing only a few feet away from him.

"Hey Ellie, I take it you got the note.." He said as he stood up and hoisted his backpack up around his shoulder. She nodded and smiled as they both started walking towards Sean's house, a path they had traveled together several times before.

Overall, the walk to his house was very quiet. Both were distracted by their own problems, unable to keep their burdens from their minds. Sean kept worrying about his grades and the awful thought of the possibility of having to move back to Wasaga Beach with his parents. Ellie, meanwhile was focusing on her family. She had recieved a letter in the mail a few days earlier, announcing that her father, who was supposed to come home from his peacekeeping mission in a matter of days had been delayed. Now she wouldn't see him, the empty vodka bottles would continue to litter the house, and she'd have to deal with her mother for another two months.

Things certainly weren't looking up for either of them.

Eventually they reached their destination. Sean stepped up to his door, pulled out a key from his pocket and unlocked the door, pulling it back for Ellie. She smiled slightly at the gesture and went inside, trying to push her worries to the back of her mind so they wouldn't ruin their date.

Sean followed her in, flipping on the light switch by the door as he dropped his bag next to the door and walked over to the couch, plopping himself down on one end. Ellie dropped her backpack next to Sean's and went to join him on the couch. He smiled, putting his arm around her and picked up the remote beside him to turn the TV on.

Sean began flipping through the channels, trying to find a good movie on one of them, ultimately he settled on Elimination Round 2. Ellie leaned over, resting her head on Sean's shoulder, trying not remember the time she and Sean went to see the sequel to the movie currently showing on the screen. It had been when they had first started dating, those few months ago, when she had accidentally put Marco between them. Ellie blinked, pushing the memory to the back of her mind. Finding the plot somewhat stupid as the sequal had been, she began focusing on the exaggerated visual effects of the movie.

Sean sighed, this was supposed to be relaxing, a nice quiet Friday evening spent with Ellie watching TV and eating pizza. But no matter how hard he tried, Sean couldn't relax. His problems kept surfacing in his mind, every time he would bury one another would appear, it was as if he was slowly being consumed by his problems, they were taking over and driving him crazy in the process.

Ellie glanced up at him, noticing the confusion behind his eyes and how tense he seemed. She sat up, causing him to turn towards her.

"What?" Sean questioned, as he watched her sit up and turn to face him.

"Sean, is everything alright?.. It seems like something's bugging you.." She asked.

"I'm fine." He replied, in a cold tone, trying to avoid the subject.

"Please don't lie to me, I can tell something's bothering you..." Ellie sighed, trailing off, letting silence fill the room for a moment before continuing, ".. You can tell me Sean.." She watched him, concerned about what was wrong. Then, under all of the pressure, Sean snapped.

"I'm fine Ellie." Sean stood up, his voice rising. He began to turn and walk away, trying not to say something he'd regret.

"Sean, I'm just concerned." She rose from the couch, facing him as he made his way towards the kitchen in attempt to regain control of his attitude.

"I said I'm fine! Why can't you just accept that and drop it?" He yelled from the kitchen, breathing heavily and glaring at her, his temper getting the better of him. They stood in their places for a few moments, letting an eerie silence fill the house.

"I'm sorry Sean.." She muttered, breaking the silence. "... I just thought I might be able to help, with whatever's bothering you so much."

"I don't need help. I can handle it myself!" He continued, slamming his fist on the kitchen table as he finished.

"I don't see why everyone has to go snooping into everyone else's buisness.. You're just like Emma, uptight and focused on every little thing!" Sean stopped, realizing he had crossed the line.

He stood in disbelief of what he had just done. Ellie remained silent, watching Sean for a moment before heading for the door, grabbing her backpack as she opened the it. With a emotionless glance back at Sean she shook her head and exited, closing the door quietly behind her.

Sean leaned back against the wall behind him, sliding down it until he reached the floor, reluctant to go after her, knowing he'd probably only screw it up even more. He sighed, staring at the floor, as an eerie silence filled the air around him despite the loud booms and shouts coming from the TV. His mind filled with flashbacks of all the mistakes he had made that day, from the car in shop class to his outburst a few minutes earlier, out of all the memories a question came to his mind.

_"What the hell is wrong with me?...."_

**A/N: Sorry it's been a while since an update, I've had some hard training for a few major tournaments we're going to have in the next few weeks. Yesterday I pulled a quad muscle at practice so I finally had time to finish this chapter and try to stop being such a procrastinator... **

**orange crush3: Yeah, I agree, Sean in reality isn't a very emotional guy, I was originally thinking of this being in the future, where he might not be as much of a tough guy as he's portrayed right now. But now that I think about it I kind of screwed that up, oh well. I appreciate the review. Yours Truly, Ellie Nash is amazing, love the opinions on Sauve. :) **

** PsYcHoJo: Thanks for the constructive criticism, especially the dialogue, it works a lot better than what I originally had. I really enjoy Numb, I hadn't thought of Sean's alcohol addiction in a while, it's displayed really well in your story, I hope there's another chapter soon! **

**Lavenderangel: Thanks. There was a little interaction here, but there'll be more in the next few chapters. **


	4. Old Habits

_Letting out the noise inside of me (Letting out the noise inside of me)  
Every window pane is shattering (Every window pane is shattering)  
Cutting off my words before I speak (Cutting off my words)  
This is how it feels to not believe_

Ellie kept her eyes fixated on the sidewalk as she slowly made her way home. Sean's words kept echoing through her head like a broken record, growing louder and louder with each repitition. Had she really overreacted? Maybe Sean had been right, maybe it hadn't been that big a deal. But still, she had just been concerned and when she had tried to justify her worrying about him he had just exploded, yelling and saying she was just like his ex--a person he had told her a several times before that he hated... Did that mean he hated her? Or had it all been just a big misunderstanding? Either way, Sean's words had hurt. The question was, what was she going to do about it?....

A little while later, Ellie reached her house. As she opened the door the usual scent of alcohol filled the air around her, most of it drifting from the living room where her mother laid unconscious on the couch, clutching an empty bottle tightly in her hand, while two others labeled vodka littered the table next to her. "Another night in _this _hell_....._" Ellie muttered to herself as she headed up the stairs, leaving her drunken mother lying on the couch.

Ellie opened the door to her room and headed in, dropping her bag by her desk before sitting down in the chair next to her. She folded her arms on the desk in front of her, rested her head on them and stared blankly at the pile of work from Caitlin in front of her.

Everything just seemed to be piling up around her, she wished there was a way to escape, but with the problems in her own home, it seemed like she was trapped. Her father, the one who held their family together, wouldn't be home for two whole months. Until then she'd just have to deal, something that was becoming harder and harder to do. Ellie moved her left wrist out from under her head and began snapping at the rubber band, harder and harder with each snap. It just wasn't cutting it this time, she needed something more real, more painful.

Ellie paused, letting her rubber band snap again before rolling back her sleeve to revealing the collection of cuts of all sizes that littered her arm. Most of them had begun to fade, only a few were still covered in scabs. Ellie looked down at her bag and hesitated for a moment before digging through it to remove her razor. She gripped it firmly in her hand, watching it, craving the feeling of release it had given it her so many times before. _"Maybe just once..."_ She thought, her mind trying to persuade her that it would help.

Her mind shifted to her problems. The pile of work from Caitlin lying in front of her, the fact that her father wouldn't be back, having to deal with her mother-alone for two months, the midterms looming over her and Sean's outburst, the words that just wouldn't go away.

Ellie continued watching the razor, hesitating only a moment before bringing it to clear space on her arm and dragging it across, adding a new cut to her collection. She watched the blood begin to emerge, it felt so good, so relieving. _"Could another really hurt?..."_ She questioned herself, not seeing any real downside. Ellie began once again pressing the razor into her skin, this time pushing it deeper and pulling it longer, trying to make the instant release last as long as possible. She continued this action, feeling the relieving effects of her old habit, once again returning to her addiction.

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Sean remained seated for what seemed like an eternity, he kept wishing he could just take back what he had said to Ellie earlier, but he knew he that he couldn't. His mind started going through the day--repeating the screwups over and over again. Why did this stuff always seem to happen to him? Everyone else around him seemed to have perfectly flawless lives, Emma was always the little-miss-perfect environmental crusader who was always so happy and sure of herself, Tracker had gotten the job he had been after and was living like a king in Alberta and himself, well, he was just a screw up... He had proved that to be true when he lashed out for no reason at the one person in his life who really seemed to understand him. Life couldn't possibly get any worse for him, or could it?

"Well, I can't just sit here forever..." Sean muttered to himself, trying to think of something to take his mind off his problems--for now. Then a voice came into his head, _"..there's gonna be a party at my house tonight..._ _there'll be plenty of booze.."_

He remembered his last encounter with alcohol, it had ended with Emma getting pissed at him and having to call her mom to come pick them up outside Jimmy's. That wasn't exactly one of Sean's better memories. But then again, it had helped, he'd felt relief--for a little while at least. That's what he needed right now, with all this stress slowly consuming him, maybe just a glass...

A short while later, Sean found himself in a familiar place-- outside Jay's. Music was blaring from inside, while people hung around inside and out, drinking, dancing, partying, Sean was surprised the neighbors hadn't called the cops yet. Nonetheless he headed inside, eager to satisfy his craving of the booze that everyone around him seemed to be enjoying.

**A/N: I decided to put up some lyrics from "Way Away" by Yellowcard, the part seemed to fit, it's also where I got the title for this fic...**

**Sorry that it's kind of short chapter, it was supposed to be longer, but the rest of it was kind of rambling on so I put it in chapter 5, which hopefully will be longer...I won't be able to update all next week, I'm going on a vacation. Hopefully I'll be able to finish and put up chapter 5 before then, if not then I'll post it when I get back (I'm such a damn procrastinator.. I hate it.).**

**Thanks to those who reviewed, it's motivational. :) **

**PsYcHoJo: Ugh, sorry to hear about your computer. :( The alcohol part in Numb was really interesting, so I thought it might fit a little into Sean's character to help lead up to something later on... I hope that's ok, if not let me know and I'll change it.**

**Kitty Kat: No, but I was a little while ago, when they were showing The Power of Love. My cousin's Canadian, I went to visit her and she's taped all of season 3 so I cheated a little bit and got to see it all, excluding the first part of Accidents Will Happen, which my cousin forgot to tape, oh well... And yes, I like the song Way Away and am a big fan of Yellowcard, that first line seemed to fit for the title. I was originally thinking of a song fic, but I decided to just go with some lines of different songs, I almost used the title Send the Pain Below by Chevelle for this chapter, but I was listening to Breaking The Habit by Linkin Park and decided against it.... I'll stop rambling now. **

**Dark Gothic Rogue: Yeah, even though I can understand where he'd be a little out of character, I thought making Sean a little more emotional would make it interesting. I'm glad you like it.**

**orange crush3: Thanks. Putting Emma in there just seemed to fit, ever since their fight in Gangsta Gangsta... Oh, and before I forget, I just want to say that Yours Truly, Ellie Nash is coming along great, I can't wait for chapter 11, I'm dying to read it!**


	5. Just Too Far Gone

_Inside, Sean made his way through more crowds of people until he reached Jay's kitchen. It smelled strongly of alcohol and cigarette smoke that was drifting in from the living room, where a group of people were amusing themselves by having a contest to see who could keep the cigarette buts pushing into their palm the longest._

_"Hey Cameron, you decided to show after __all..." Jay said, carrying his beer can as he headed over to Sean._

_"Yeah man, it sounded good." Sean replied, eyeing the can in Jay's hands, his mouth beginning water._

_"Well, help yourself to some drinks. They're on the table." Jay motioned to a wooden table behind Sean, cluttered with unopened beer cans._

_Sean turned and walked over to the table as Jay disappeared back into the crowds of partiers. He stood in front of the table, contemplating whether he really should have one. His mind kept telling him to go for it, that one wouldn't hurt. On the other hand, his conscience kept telling him not to, that he couldn't start this again. A voice inside Sean's head kept repeating "just one" over and over again, until he just couldn't take it anymore. He hesitated only a moment more before grabbing one of the cans, popping it open and guzzling it down._

_As the can finished emptying it's contents into his mouth, Sean set it back down on the table, the addicting taste lingering in his mouth beginning to fade. His taste buds began to plead for more, and soon Sean's eyes returned to the numerous remaining unopened beer cans, without hesitation he reached for yet another can, opened it and let the liquid inside flow through his mouth. _

_Throughout the duration of the night, the number of empty cans on the table continued to grow. The world around Sean began to get hazy as the flashing lights and people swirled, the details fading with each continuing sip he consumed. As he began to feel sick from the booze he tried to resist the temptation to continue, but it was impossible, he was just too far gone...._

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The following morning Sean found himself slumped in front of his toilet, his shirt smelling strongly of vomit. He blinked, trying to focus and figure out exactly where he was. Eventually, memories of the events that occurred yesterday returned to him, giving him a sudden brush of reality.

Using what little strength he had left he pushed himself up off the floor and stumbled over to the nearby sink. He turned the handle, letting the cold water spew from the faucet before taking his hands and splashing the water on his face, hoping to sober up a bit and possibly calm the aggravating ringing sound in his head.

_"Maybe I should give Ellie a call..."_ He told himself, glancing over at the phone, considering the idea. Within moments he had the phone gripped tightly in his hands, dialing her number. As it rang he began combing his mind, trying to figure out what he was going to say--what he needed to say.

It rang for what seemed like forever, Sean glanced around him impatiently, muttering "Please pick up Ellie...." in a soft tone. It continued to ring, three, four, no five times, Sean counted, until something clicked on the other end of the phone.

"Hello you've reached the Nash residence, please leave a message after the tone." A voice chimed from the other end of the phone, followed by a beep. Sean hung up the phone, rubbing his temples furiously, he couldn't just leave a message. It had to be direct, otherwise it just didn't seem strong enough. He sighed, collapsing on his couch, letting the phone fall to the floor. He hated his life right now, it just seemed like an endless circle of mistakes and problems. There just wasn't a way out....

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Ellie woke up to the sound of her phone ringing. She dug her head into her pillow, in attempt to block out the ringing noise, letting the phone ring endlessly. She just didn't feel like talking to someone right now, after all of the frustrations she'd been having to deal with lately, she'd probably just end up lashing out at whoever was calling.

"Let it ring..." She muttered as she buried her head under her pillow, trying to once again grasp the trancelike sleep she had woken from, but she failed. The phone eventually stopped ringing, even then Ellie just couldn't go back to sleep. She rolled over, raising her left arm up from the covers so that it was in eyesight. The cuts she had carved into her skin the night before graced her arm, each deep and dark, covered by a thin layer of scab. Ellie watched them for a little while, feeling the twinges of pain as she ran her fingers over the new additions to her collection of scars. She eventually sat up, turning over to her nightstand where she had left her razor the night before.

Within a moment she held the razor tightly in her hand, once again staring at the scars on her arm. Ellie ran the blade against some of her unmarred skin, letting the blood flow from her new cuts as the release consumed her. After the blood stopped flowing, she placed her razor back on her nightstand and laid back down, attempting once again to sleep. This time she was successful, falling into a light slumber, her mind soothed by the continuation of her cutting, a habit she just could no longer stop.

**A/N: The procrastination spell is broken, I finished this chapter and most of chapter 6 and put this up before my vacation, I'm proud of myself. I'll be gone basically all week, so I'll post chapter 6 when I get back. Time for vacation! (I seriously need to get away, it's hotter than hell here)**

**A quick advertisement: Those who enjoy well-written very interesting Ellie / Sean fics, go read Yours Truly, Ellie Nash & Numb, now!**

**To those who took the time to review, thank you, I love reviews, any kind, except maybe ones from this guy in my English class last year, but that's a different story....**

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	6. Be Like That

_He spends his nights in California, watching  
The stars on the big screen  
Then he lies awake and he wonders, why  
Can't that be me  
Cause in his life he is filled with all these good intentions  
He's left a lot of things he'd rather not  
Mention right now  
But just before he says goodnight, he looks  
Up with a little smile at me and he says_

Sean laid on his couch for a while, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. He felt like he had fallen into a rut, a bad one. In the past 24 hours he had ruined the engine of his shop project, gotten yet another detention, taken his rage out on the one person in the world who seemed to get him, and to top it all off he'd fallen back into his alcohol addiction. Sometimes Sean wished he could just be someone else. Someone without drunk parents, someone who everyone wouldn't look down on or automatically label as a common criminal, someone with a life better off than his... But that was just a dream, an impossible dream. He was stuck. He had problems, issues, now and probably for the rest of his fucking life.

He'd give almost anything to be someone else right now.

_If I could be like that, I would   
Give anything  
Just to live one day, in those shoes  
If I could be like that, what would I do,  
What would I do_

_Now and dreams we run_

_She spends her days up in the north park,  
Watching the people as they pass  
And all she wants is just a little piece of  
This dream, is that too much to ask  
With a safe home, and a warm bed, on a  
quiet little street  
All she wants is just that something to  
Hold onto, that's all she needs_

Ellie leaned back against the backrest of the park bench she had been sitting on for the past few hours, watching the different people pass her by. They all seemed so carefree, so happy, as if they all lived in a perfect dream world, full of cloudless blue skies, happy endings and picture-perfect families. Sometimes Ellie wished that she could live in a dream world, instead of the nightmare she resided in now.

The number of people slowly decreased as the sun faded along the horizon. Judging by how dark it was getting, not the mention the cold, Ellie knew she should head home soon. Home. Currently, home was the last place Ellie wanted to be. She didn't want to have to return to all of the problems awaiting her return. With the pile of work from Caitlin, the midterm study homework and having to once again deal with her mother and her horrible drinking obsession, home was definately not the place Ellie wanted to spend her time in. She knew she'd eventually have to head back, when it got too dark too see and it'd get too cold to stay out in the frigid night air...but until then, Ellie wanted to just sit there, on the park bench she'd been on for hours and watch the world pass by.

For some reason, it seemed like the only thing worth doing right now.

_Yeah!!_

_If I could be like that,  
I would give anything  
Just to live one day, in those shoes  
If I could be like that, what would I do,  
What would I do_

Sean eventually picked up the remote and began flipping through the channels, trying to find something to take his mind off of everything. "Just my luck, a crappy day and nothing but shit's on TV..." He muttered, speeding up the pace of his channel surfing. He was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He instantly answered it hoping it would be Ellie. That he might have a chance to apologize and admit how much of an asshole he'd been.

"Hello." He answered, waiting for the sound of the voice he was hoping for.

"Hey Cameron." He sighed, it was only Jay.

"What do you want?" Sean questioned, hoping it was even worth the effort of picking up the phone. But then again, it _was _Jay, and sometimes his ideas were pretty good..._sometimes_.

"I need some help with my car. Towerz tried to fix a problem with the engine, but it only made it worse. I need someone who knows their cars..." Jay explained. "Think you can come take a look?" Sean pulled the phone away from his ear and let it drop on the couch, leaving Jay waiting in silence on the other end of the phone line.

Sean began to massage his temples, contemplating what he should answer. Heading over to Jay's was like an invitation to become friends again, like they had been before. Before Jay became too wild and Sean nearly lost his student welfare. Since then, Sean had returned to hanging out with Craig, who was glad for a friend who didn't know too much about the whole Ashley and Manny predicament. Then again, Jay and the others understood him. That was something not many people seemed to be able to accomplish right now.

"Cameron, you there?" Jay's voice sounded from the phone.

Silence.

"Come on Cameron, can you take a look at it or not?" Sean glanced at the phone, considering his answer. The flashbacks that had been haunting his mind earlier returned, ending his hesitation. He picked up the phone again.

"Sure, I take a look. See you in five." Sean answered, pushing the end button and tossing the phone at the couch before heading out the door.

_I'm falling into this, in dreams  
We run away_

_If I could be like that, I would  
Give anything  
Just to live one day, in those shoes  
If I could be like that, what would I do,  
What would I do_

"Mum?..." (1)Ellie questioned as she entered through her front door, her eyes moving to the couch. Her mother replied with a soft groan, her eyes half open as she strained to reach a half-empty bottle of vodka resting on the table just out of her grasp.

"E-Eleanor...H-Help.. M..."She stuttered, trying desperately to grab the bottle.

Ellie sighed and walked over, hurt in her eyes. It pained her to see her mother care more about her alcohol than her teenage daughter. Even though she knew she should probably be used to it by now, it still hurt.

Once her mother was set, her blanket pulled up over her once again, the television volume turned down so she could sleep and the vodka bottle in hand, Ellie sighed and headed upstairs to her room. Leaving her mother lying on the couch, enjoying the contents of the vodka bottle.

Ellie pulled open the drawer in her nightstand, removing the one object hidden inside it; her razor. Rolling up her sleeve, she pressed the blade to her skin, letting it slide across as a line of red followed the razors path. When enough new cuts had graced her arm and the bleeding had stopped, Ellie rolled her sleeve back down, placing the razor back in its hiding place, to await the time its services were once again needed.

She laid down on her bed, leaving the lights off so she could sit in the comforting darkness of her room and peacefully imagine living in an ideal dream world, where all her problems could just disappear...

_If I could be like that, I would  
Give anything  
Just to live one day, in those shoes  
If I could be like that, what would I do,  
What would I do_

_If I could be like that, I would  
Give anything  
Just to live one day, in those shoes  
If I could be like that, what would I  
do, what would I do_

_Falling in  
I feel I am falling in, to this again_

**A/N: Back from vacation! Sorry it took so long, I procrastinated again and just rewrote the chapter. I've also been working on my Paige fan fic called Stand Back, check it out if you're in the mood for a trial piece. **

**So many reviews while I was on vacation, I love 'em...**

**Oh, the lyrics are from the song "Be Like That" by Three Doors Down. **

**Thanks to guitargurl, WritingIsMyDream, kurt couper, vyona and NoLaBeLs.**

**orange crush3: Thank you, for the review and adding two, (no, wait, three!) more chapters to the amazing Yours Truly, Ellie Nash, it's coming along great.**

**PsYcHoJo: Thanks. Another great chapter to Numb!**

**MadnessLivedOnAndSighed: I'm not going anywhere for at least a couple of weeks. Hopefully that means I'll be updating more often, if I can stop putting it off like I have been for a while. I appreciate the review.**

**Your friendly neighborhood Canadian cousin: Hello to you too Anna... Yes, I suppose a thanks is overdue, even though I had to listen to your really bad summary of the first part of Accidents Will Happen, but I guess that is forgivable. So here it is: Thank you. As for the driving bit, you didn't let me drive, I was just given the driving lesson in your car. So there! Ha ha ha. I guess I'll see you whenever you come to visit.**

**(1) I could've sworn she said mum in Whisper to a Scream, so incase anyone questioning on that…**


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